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Minsan humiling ako ng isang pangarap. Isang pangarap na sana lahat ng kahilingan ko ay matupad. Humiling ako na sana isang araw lahat ng kahilingan ko sa buhay ay magkatotoo.

"Mabuting kalusugan.. Panatag na kalooban.. Tunay na kaligayahan.."

Pero ang mga ito ay isang kahilingan lamang. Isang kahilingan..

Minsan nangarap ako ng isang kahilingan. Isang kahilingan na sana lahat ng pangarap ko ay matupad. Nangarap ako na sana balang-araw lahat ng pangarap ko sa buhay ay makuha ko.

"Magandang trabaho.. Mabuting asawa.. Masayang pamilya.."

Pero ang mga ito ay isang pangarap lamang. Isang pangarap..

Minsan masarap managinip ng gising. Managinip ng mga bagay na sa pangarap lang nahihiling. At sa oras na ang diwa'y magising, matatawa na lang sa sarili at maiiling.

Minsan masarap mangarap ng tulog. Mangarap ng mga bagay na sa panaginip lang naaabot. At sa oras na ang panaginip ay maudlot, masasabi na lang sa sarili, sana habambuhay na lang nakatulog.

Libre lang ang mangarap. Libre rin lang ang humiling. Ang pangarap ay hindi magiging ganap, kung hindi ito susubukang gawin.

Simple lang ang aking mga pangarap. Simple rin lang ang aking mga hiling. Ngunit ang mga ito ay hindi ko magagawang ganap, kung ang mismong pagkakataon ay naging mailap na sa akin.

Sadyang kayhirap mabuhay dito sa mundo. Walang kasiguruhan kung titigil o tatakbo. Pero alam kong walang magagawang mabuti ang depresyon. Kaya naisip kong tawanan na lamang ang ilang sitwasyon.

Kung susuko ako ngayo'y walang mangyayari. Baka ang mga nasimulan ko ay mawalan lang ng silbi. Ang mabuti ngayon ay magpakatatag. Sumubok upang ang kinabukasa'y tuluyang maging ganap.

Humiling akong mangarap. Nangarap akong humiling.

"Isang simpleng buhay na puno ng saya, puno ng ligaya. Isang magandang bukas na puno ng pag-ibig, puno ng pagasa."

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“Ang tenga kapag pinagdikit korteng puso.
Extension ng puso ang tenga,
Kaya kapag marunong kang makinig,
Marunong kang magmahal.”

                                                                                                         - Bob Ong (Filipino Author)

~ ~ ~

“Siyet! Ang bigat non, idol! Hindi ko kinaya!
Eh pa'no naman kaming mga bingi?
Ibig bang sabihin, hindi kami marunong magmahal?
Hindi 'ata.”

                                                                                                         - Wackylodeon (Ang Umangal)

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[video align='align-center']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QTtC-hgtB0[/video]

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Hey, its Christmas day!

But you left me here alone.
Until the time you’ll come,
l pledge that I will wait for you.

Why you did it so?
What build up your mind to go?
I wish you’re here with me,
And start again the way we are supposed to be.

I pray on this Christmas day,
You’ll think of me, the way I think of you.
I’m longing for the love and thoughts of you.

And even you’re gone away,
I’m still dreaming and anticipating.
To see you and be with you once again,
Coz you’re the only reason why I’m living.

Hey, its Christmas day!

But still you’re not here.
How long should I have to wait?
For the love I never cease and quit.

Why you have to go?
The question I’m annoying to ask over from you.
Nothing more of all I ask for,
But the love you shown me before.

I pray on this Christmas day,
You’ll think of me, the way I think of you.
I’m longing for the love and thoughts of you.

And even you’re gone away,
I’m still dreaming and anticipating.
To see you and be with you once again.

Even just on Christmas Day.

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[video align='align-center']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrtL4uso9n0[/video]

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"I'll walk a thousand miles just to see you once again."

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THIS POEM IS WRITTEN BY: Flor Quizana

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Ano bang dahilan at ako’y nalimutan?

Pati na ang pagmamahalanAt kahapong nagdaan
Ang ating nakaraan
Lagi sa 'king isipan
Kay tamis ng suyuan

Bakit nagkaganito?
Lahat sa'yo ay nagbago
Maging ang pag-ibig mo
Ang puso koy sumasamo
Sana ay iyong dinggin
Ang aking panalangin
 
Kung nanaisin mo lang sana
Muli ay maramdaman ang aking kalinga
Kung nanaisin mo lang sana
Sa aki’y hindi ka luluha
Hindi ka mag-iisa
 
Ngayon sa aki’y malinaw na
Puso mo ay pag-aari na ng iba
Ngunit sa bawat saglit
Sa isip di ka pa rin mawaglit

Habang buhay sa alaala
Ang palagi kitang kasama
Salamat sa mga sandali
Na nakasama kita
Hindi kita malilimutan
 
Hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan.

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[video align='align-center']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBQclwoiJRc[/video]

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"To err is human, to forgive is divine."

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THIS POEM IS WRITTEN BY: Flor Quizana

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Pagmasdan mo ang iyong tahanan. Sobrang ingay, laging may bangayan. Sumama ka na lang sa 'kin dito. Dito sa madilim kong mundo.

Pasensya kung dito ay mabaho at ang paningin mo ay malabo. Mas masaya dito ke'sa sa labas. Huwag ka nga lang aalis para buhay mo'y dehins magwakas.

Kase pag lumabas ka ng lungga ko, baka tapakan ka lang nila. Kaya dito ka na lang at magpahinga. Magpakaligaya ka ng walang hanggan. Kase ang bangkay mo ay wawalisin lang.

Libre kang umanak ng madami pero iilan lang sa kanila ang mabubuhay. Dulot ng ating kahirapan. Syempre, dahil sa kanilang kasakiman. Silang mga ganid sa kapangyarihan.

S'werte pa nga tayong mga nasa ilalim. Nabubuhay kahit bihirang kumain. Kaya magpasalamat ka at huwag mainis. Ganyan talaga, ang buhay-ipis.

Panis!

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"You may say I'm a TAMBAY,
But I'm not the ony one,
I hope someday you'll join us,
So the world will live as one."

                                                                                                                  - Bok of Barkada Trip

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Multo akong nabubuhay sa isang katawan. Walang nakakakilala. Walang nakakaunawa. Walang nakakaramdam. Isang multong hindi makikilala hangga't hindi nilalapitan. Nabubuhay sa dilim. Nag-iisa.

Minsan tinanong ko ang aking sarili. Bakit ako iniiwasan? Bakit ako nilalayuan? Bakit ako kinakatakutan? Mahirap ba akong kasabay? Ewan. Hindi ko alam. Mga tanong na walang kasagutan. Mga bagay na gumugulo sa aking isipan.

Humarap ako sa salamin. Blanko. Malabo. Madilim. Wala akong makitang liwanag. Wala akong makitang pag-asa. Hinawakan ko ang aking mukha. Malamig. Wala akong maapuhap na init. Unti-unti ako'y napaparam. Nababalisa. Naliligalig. Naluluha.

Kahit ganito ang pagkatao ko. Ang pagkamulto ko. Marunong din akong masaktan. Sabihin pang ako'y tuldok lamang. Ngunit pare-pareho lang tayong may karapatan. Simple lang ako. Simple rin lang ang gusto ko. Gusto ko lang magkaroon ng makakasama. At ng makakausap. Yun lang. Bakit ayaw akong pakinggan? Pagkakataon lang ang hinihingi ko. Pero kahit habag, ayaw akong pagbigyan.

Sawang-sawa na ako. Pagod na pagod na ako. Ayoko na dito sa dilim. Ayoko ng maging malungkot. Ayoko ng mag-isa. Kaya ninais ko, o mas tamang sabihing pinangarap ko, ang maging isang taong may makakasama.

Sapagkat ako'y isang multo. Malungkot. Nag-iisa. Hindi masaya. Walang kasama. 

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 Tinatamad ka bang dalawin ako ngayong araw ng Undas?

P'wes!

Text DALAW ON

at i-send sa 2366

Ako mismo ang dadalaw sa'yo!

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"Dalaw me jan 2nyt, ha?"

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                                    Ay naroroon din ako…

                                                  Ako ang…

                                                                  MATA!

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[video align='align-center']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0qzAUNINGg[/video]

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 "Sana naging monitor na lang ako." 

 ~ o ~

You may have been thinking.

Why a text can be confusing.

It sends message about one thing.

Yet it describes another meaning.

I tried so hard and waited too long.

For your damn replies to come along.

To know what the hell's going on with you.

It's odd I cried and made a poem for you.

 What is it with you? I don't have a clue.

I really miss you,  If you only knew.

But what can I do? I don't own you.

There's someone beside you,  and it hurts me through.

I hate you.

~ o ~

[video align='align-center']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUjfPsblfWE[/video]

~ o ~

~ o ~

But I need you.

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*Higop ng kape*

            Tandang-tanda ko pa kung paano nagsimulang magkrus ang landas natin dalawa. Nagmamadali ako non papunta sa klase ko dahil ayokong masabihan ng “ay lab yu” ng titser ko sa Literature. Nang bigla kitang makita sa bintana ng isang classroom. Ngumiti ka at ako naman dedma lang kunyari. Kahit nakuha mo na atensyon ko, dehins pa rin kita pinansin.

*Tingin sa langit*

            Tandang-tanda ko pa ang mga panahon na yon. Tuwing napapadaan ka sa klase ko sa Accounting. Mula sa bintana napapasulyap ako sa’yo, tapos dedma lang kunyari kung susulyapan mo rin ako. Nung minsan di ko na napigilan ang sarili ko kaya nginitian kita. Tuwang-tuwa ako non kase nginitian mo rin ako. Kaya mula non, sa may tabi na ng bintana ako pumupuwesto. Inaabangan ko ang pagdaan mo.

*Hinga ng malalim*

            Tandang-tanda ko pa nung pauwi na ako galing sa klase. Nakita kita kasama ang mga kaibigan mo. Pauwi na rin ata kaya non. Naisip kong sundan kayo para malaman ko kung saan ka umuuwi. Kaso sumabay sa ‘kin yung isa kong kakilala sa paglalakad. Napurnada tuloy ang plano ko. Pero napansin ko, sinusundan rin pala nya kayo. Sumabay lang sa ‘kin para dehins nyo mahalata. Sinundan ka namin hanggang sa makasakay ka na ng dyip. Biyaheng Red-V. Medyo trapik pa non, kaya hindi muna kami umalis hanggang hindi umuusad ang dyip na iyong sinasakyan. Andun lang kami sa may kanto, nakatingin sa’yo. Napansin ko nga sa kasama ko, parang hindi lang nya ‘to ngayon ginawa. Alam nya kase kung saan kami pupuwesto. Nainis tuloy ako. May karibal na pala ako.

*Umayos ng upo*

            Tandang-tanda ko pa nung Christmas party natin. Mula sa likuran na aking kinauupuan, kung saan kasama ko ang ilang mga alumni. Dun ko unang narinig ang maganda mong boses. Titig na titig ako sa’yo non habang kumakanta ka sa stage. Ang galing mo nga magperform sabi ko. Hawak Kamay ni Yeng Constantino pa nga kinanta mo non di’ba? Lahat yan natatandaan ko.

*Iling*

            Tandang-tanda ko rin nung gabing yun. Dun ko rin unang nalaman na may bf ka na pala. Syet! Kaya pala inaalaska si knight of the altar ng mga katabi ko. Syeter! Kaya pala lagi kang dumadaan sa klase ko sa Accounting, kase andun pala ang knight of the altar mo. Syetest! Kaya pala nung minsang nginitian kita, akala ko ako ang nginitian mo. Yun pala yung knight of the altar mo na nasa likuran ko. Anak ng pinakbet!

*Tingin sa radyo*

            Tandang-tanda ko pa nung gabi ring yun. Masamang-masama ang loob ko non. Nagmukha kase akong tanga. Pero syempre, ano bang karapatan ko. Hindi mo naman alam ang nararamdaman ko. Lalo tuloy akong nainis sa sarili ko. Nakisama pa ang panahon sa nararamdaman ko. Ang lakas ng ulan non! Ayos talaga. Pag-uwi ko sa ‘min, full volume ang music ko. Walang ibang sounds kundi Hari Ng Sablay ng Sugarfree ang sounds ko non. Paulit-ulit. Dun ko na lang binuhos ang sama ng loob ko. Lahat yan kabisado ko.

*Singhot*

            Natatandaan ko din yung araw na mabalitaan ko ang malungkot na nangyari sa inyo ng bf mo. Nagkaroon kayo ng matinding problema. Araw ng mga puso non di’ba? Hindi ko nga alam kung dapat ba ‘kong matuwa o mainis sa nangyari sa inyo. Tanong ko nga sa sarili ko, dapat ba ‘kong matuwa dahil wala na kayo? O dapat ba ‘kong mainis dahil lalo akong nawalan ng pag-asang makasama ka? Dahil kase sa nangyari, posibleng masira ang pag-aaral mo. Mabuti na nga lang, walang natanggal sa inyong dalawa.

*Halumbaba*

            Natatandaan ko din yung unang beses na lumapit ka sa ‘kin. Tinanong mo ‘ko kung puwede ba kitang ipag-research sa internet ng assignment mo. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, siguro dahil sa ex mo kaya hindi ka makapag-internet sa kabila. Tsk! Tsk! Naaawa nga ako sa’yo non eh.

*Tingin sa kutsara*

            Natatandaan ko din yung panahon na napa-duty ka sa canteen. Hindi na ‘ko nag-aalmusal sa canteen non. Last na almusal ko non December 20, 2006. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, di ko na kukunin ang almusal ko para makabawas ako sa gastusin sa almusal natin. Kaso nagbago ang lahat nung napa-duty ka dun, kaya napa-almusal na din ako. Binabagalan ko pa nga non ang pagsandok ko ng kanin para mas matagal pa kitang makita. Ewan ko lang kung napansin mo.

*Hinalo ang kape*

*Hinigop ang kape*

            Natatandaan ko pa nung mga panahon na yon sa canteen din. Tinanong mo ‘ko kung saan ako naka-duty at kung may friendster ba ‘ko. Wow! Sabi ko sa sarili ko, eto na ang pagkakataon para mag-usap tayo. Naalala ko pa nung mag-isa akong kumakain ng tanghalian sa duty ko. Wala akong ibang sounds sa winamp non kundi yung You’re Beautiful ni James Blunt. Kung may isang song ako na ide-dedicate para sa’yo, yun yon! Kung alam mo lang, sobrang related yon.

*Tingin sa malayo*

            Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko natatandaan ang lahat ng ito. Pagnakakasalubong nga kita sa daan, tinatanong ko ang sarili ko. May dahilan kaya ang lahat ng ito? Nagkataon lang ba? O dahil pinili ko ang doon dumaan? (muni-muni)

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Happy Birthday. (",) - Wacky

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Yep! Just like what the title said. I’m back and alive! After more than three months of missing-in-action, here I am, giving myself a break. Blog hopping in the ever-expanding net blogosphere, with a new entry obviously! I really missed blogging. A lot! It’s such a sad feeling that I want to blog so much but can’t able to because of so many deadlines that I have to meet. Bad trip talaga ang thesis! But now, I’m back! So let’s celebrate! Yahoo! Yehey! Hurray!

Sing with me…

Guess who's back! Back again!
Wacky's back! Tell a friend!
Wacky's back! Wacky's back! Wacky's back!
(Repeat it hanggang magsawa ka)

Excerpts from: Without Me - Eminem

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I've been wanting, or should I say, I've been needing to do this for such a long time but time won't allow me. And speaking of time.. PUCHA! TIME IS GOLD! Yeah, I know! Corny pakinggan, but it's true! Sa thesis ko napatunayan that time is really gold! So since maluwag na ulit ang sked ko at ginto nga talaga ang oras. Therefore, mayaman na ulit ako! Mayaman na! MAYAMAN NA! So let’s celebrate! Yahoo! Yehey! Hurray!

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At 2 am one night last July, Lo Ren-hung was thinking about going home from his job as a computer technician in Taipei. Surfing the internet, he clicked on a bulletin board that usually had messages seeking advice about purchases and wanting to chat.

The newest post got his attention. Signed by a user called Cutecat0604, it said simply: ''I need to talk.''

Intrigued, Ren-hung sent Cutecat his phone number. Moments later, his mobile phone rang. A young woman was on the line. ''I can't sleep at night,'' she said, her voice soft and weary. ''I am a bit upset. I don't like to be so alone.''

''Hey, Little Princess,'' Ren-hung said cheerfully. ''Don't be like that!''

By the time they got off the phone two hours later, a friendship was born.

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Ren-hung spent long, lonely nights at the China Post newspaper, standing by to help fix computer problems. In his fourth-floor office, cluttered with discarded screens, keyboards, printers, disk drives and wires, he often passed the time on the PTT, the ''professional technology temple'' bulletin board. With about one million users and 10,000 discussion groups, PTT is the biggest of its kind in the Chinese world.

Refined and good looking with oblong glasses, Ren-hung would chuckle as he scrolled through the messages posted on a group called Hate – a hot-bed of gossip, news, jokes and outrage for PTT users.

Ren-hung's name meant ''Great Benevolence'' and he liked to reach out and help people. He quickly learned that Cutecat's real name was Yang Yu-ting and that she was a 22-year-old studying English at a college in Kaohsiung City, a large industrial centre, some 300 kilometres from Taipei.

Every night they talked, sometimes for hours.

''If I was sitting beside you right now, would you give me a hug?'' Yu-ting asked one night.

''Of course – the biggest hug in the world,'' Ren-hung promised.

When Yu-ting said she wrote a blog, Ren-hung looked it up. In her picture, she looked petite and as fragile as a big-eyed doll with a pert smile.  But Yu-ting was clearly troubled. She admitted to Ren-hung that she had taken pills to kill herself several times, but was always found in time. ''I have a huge hole in my heart and it will never mend,'' she told him.

Little by little, Ren-hung uncovered the reasons behind her depression. When she was 15, her father had an affair with a colleague. She had two serious boyfriends, but drove each one away because she was ''so afraid of being alone.''

In 2004 she had a heart with wings tattooed on her abdomen. ''One day I will fly away,'' she vowed.

Ren-hung's cheerful voice on the phone did more for Yu-ting's depression than the medication from her doctors.

But on December 20, everything changed.

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Yu-ting parked her scooter outside a hotel. The bright lobby was decorated with artificial roses spangled with glitter. ''Do you have a room?'' Yu-ting asked manager Huang Tsu-peng, who was working reception.

''How many of you?'' he asked. He took little notice of the girl.

''One.''

She paid $18 and took the key to room 808. Sitting on the bed, Yu-ting pulled out the prescription sleeping pills and, one by one, swallowed about 20.

Next, she unwrapped a barbecue set she had smuggled into the hotel. The starters caught at once, heating the charcoal briquettes and quickly filling the room with deadly fumes.

Yu-ting sat on the bed and wrote in a notebook: ''I'm sorry. I'm just too tired and my future has no answer. Dear Daddy, dear Mummy, and my baby sister, I love you.''

Then she dialled Lo Ren-hung.

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8:55pm
Sitting at his office computer, Ren-hung smiled when his phone rang. He knew it must be Yu-ting but her voice was different – lethargic, spaced-out.

''Do you know what I'm doing?'' she asked dreamily.

''What are you doing?''

''I'm burning charcoal.''

Ren-hung sat up sharply, his heart racing. Burning charcoal emitted deadly carbon monoxide fumes. It was one of the most common methods of suicide in Taiwan.

''Where are you?'' he demanded.

''I'm in a hotel so you won't find me.'' As she slurred her words, Ren-hung realised she'd taken pills as well.

''What's the hotel's name?''

''No way. You'll never know where I am. I'm flying away.''

''OK, what's your room number?''

''I won't tell you.''

''What floor are you on?''

''Oh, what does it matter?'' Yu-ting sighed. ''I'm on the eighth floor.''

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9:07pm
Fingers flying over his keyboard, Ren-hung called up PTT's Hate board, opened a new post and typed:

''A girl in Kaohsiung City right now is trying to commit suicide, but I am in Taipei. The reasons are relationship problems and melancholia. Her name is Yang Yu-ting. She has just checked into a room on the eighth floor of a hotel and is burning charcoal to gas herself. Netizens in Kaohsiung please help to find her. If we can find her in less than an hour, we might save her.''

He wrote ''RED ALERT'' in the subject line and sent the message.

It went first to a moderator who checked messages as they came in. He fired a message back to Ren-hung: ''Is this real or a practical joke?''

''Of course it's real,'' Ren-hung replied. The moderator attached a yellow star to the post to show that it was important and cross-referenced it to other boards. Almost immediately, responses flashed in.

''Quickly,'' posted YivanL. ''Netizens go to her rescue.''

''A number of hotels in Kaohsiung are more than eight storeys,'' wrote another. ''Can the scope be narrowed?''

''Please help make a list,'' said gogomisa. ''Call the hotels and check whether there is a guest by this name.''

The dramatic speed of the posts gave Ren-hung hope. He called the fire and ambulance services and explained what was happening; they promised to alert emergency services in Kaohsiung.

He dialled Yu-ting's number. No answer. Ren-hung imagined the deadly fumes – tasteless and colourless – steadily filling the hotel room. But there was nothing more he could do.

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9:45pm
Chen Wei-chuan* logged on to PTT. Strongly built and 1.88 metres tall, the shy 28-year-old university student lived with his parents in Kaohsiung. Tonight, on a whim, he did something unusual – he clicked on Hate.

Instantly Lo Ren-hung's message jumped onto his screen. It already had 40 responses and more were coming in every minute. ''Does anyone know her?'' asked sh54inq. ''Let's call her folks, her boyfriend or her classmates.''

Then somebody recognised Yu-ting's name and gave the name of her college. ''Classmates of hers, please call and soothe her!'' said yanki826.

VGA reported that Yu-ting was in her class at secondary school but they had lost touch.

"What can I do to help?" Wei-chuan wondered. Reading the messages again, he jotted down the most important points.

The college was in San-min district. That's not too far from here.

The hotel has at least eight floors. That's something to go on.

The girl is a student. The hotel will be a cheap one.

He decided to start with the Yi-da Hotel – it had ten floors, it was near his home, it was cheap.

He dialled and a man answered. Wei-chuan knew that hotels were usually reluctant to give information about guests, so he made a reservation. ''Could you give me a room on Sunday?''

''Yes, we can,'' the manager told him, and started to take his details.

''By the way,'' Wei-chuan went on. ''I've got a friend called Yang Yu-ting. She might have checked in already. Is she there?''

''Oh yes, she's here.''

Wei-chuan could hardly believe what he heard. ''Listen,'' he said urgently. ''This girl wants to commit suicide. Go and  knock on her door – hurry!''

Huang Tsu-peng, the hotel manager, called emergency services then dashed upstairs. He banged on the door. No answer. His skeleton key opened the lock, but the door was chained. With two sharp blows he smashed it open.

The room was thick with smoke, but the girl was breathing. He flung open a window and, slapping Yu-ting's cheeks to keep her awake, laid her on a luggage trolley and got her out of the room.

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10:23pm
A message from Wei-chuan flashed up on every screen: ''Just called and found this person in Yi-da Hotel.''

Now the messages sang a new song. ''I want to cry,'' wrote malakaki. ''Is she all right?''

''Hope it's not too late,'' said sorryboy.

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11:30pm
In Taipei, Ren-hung was relieved and thrilled. Smiling broadly, he posted a last message: ''Miss Yang is in hospital and her family has asked me to say thank you. She might be angry with me, but at least we have to let her know that people won't give up on her – so I hope she won't give up on herself.''

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A month later, Yu-ting travelled to Taipei to meet Ren-hung. They talked about what happened. ''You owe me one thing, remember,'' Yu-ting said.

''Yes, I know,'' Ren-hung said. He leaned over and hugged her tightly.

''Thank you for everything you did,'' she told him.

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[video align="align-center"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19L3yVbiAic[/video]

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Condensed From:  RED ALERT (Reader's Digest - September 2007 Issue)